Have expectations, but don’t manage them

Do you have a tendency to shrink your desires, so they feel “reasonable”?

Going for the easy win seems like the right thing to do. But is it really?

I got this question from a group coaching call last week:

“How do I manage my expectations?”

My answer?


Here’s why:

When you manage your expectations, you tend to lower them. You carve it down to a gentler version and lowball yourself.

Don’t talk yourself out of what you really want. You can and should have expectations. And be willing to fight for them and make them a priority.

But that means you’ll have to be willing to be disappointed. Sorry, but that is a part of the process.

I can offer you three tips to help take the sting out when you do get a no:


You may be having a negotiation with someone or an organization and, in that moment, it feels like that’s all there is. Trust me, there’s more. The market for your talent and what you are bringing to the world is WAY bigger than one conversation. In auctioneering, when I can’t sell something for the desired amount, it’s taken off the floor and sold later. A new audience has a new context. You can do the same with your Ask.


When you get a no, it’s a measure of VALUE for your offer. It’s not an absolute measure of your worth. If you interpret every no or tough situation as a signal of low worth, you’d never leave the house. YOU ARE WORTHY! How someone else sees your value doesn’t define your worth.


If you know what YOU’RE going to do when or if you get a NO, you won’t feel like you hit a brick wall. You know what to do in the face of this stumbling block. And that lends you power and confidence. You’re still in control and steering the conversation because you prepared ahead of time.


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