Caller Q: She Wants Adventure and has to Make a Big Ask to do it.

She's got a big question and Dia's got a big answer. This week we get a caller question about how to ask her boss to work remotely so she can have the life she wants.

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In this episode, we get a caller question about how to ask her boss to work remotely so she can have the life she wants. But is that really the ask she needs to make?  

Dia gives her answer she (and maybe you) can use when you go to make your next big move. It's a three-part answer to a one-part question. This week we get a caller question about how to ask her boss to work remotely so she can have the life she wants. But is that really the ask she needs to make? Dia gives her an answer she (and maybe you) can use when you go to make your next big move. Plus, a rant about the difference between being busy and being engaged and a "hey chill" to corporate who are worried "if we teach women how to ask for more and get it, will that be a problem for us?"

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Dia Bondi  0:01  

One thing I have to say to adults a lot when I asked when I when I asked them a question in a coaching conversation or in a workshop is to say what's you know, what's the question and then as they're thinking about it to remind them that all of their answers are right because and especially on this show you get to have your goals you get to watch what you want. You get to identify the movie that you think are most relevant these answers that you come up with are right because this is yours.

Hello, everyone. Welcome to the Dia Bondi show a big huge podcast for your goals. I'm Dia Bondi longtime leadership communications coach and creator project as a like an auctioneer, I'm here to help you ask for more and get at resource your dream seat and get your goals faster and have a good time doing it. And I'm here joined with my on air producer Arthur Leon Adams the third aka baby. Hi, baby. Hey, Dia. Been a while?

Arthur  1:08  

Yeah, it's been a little bit.

Dia Bondi  1:10  

So nice to see you and hear you hear your beautiful voice. By the way. I get so much feedback from folks about like, yeah, the show is really good. But Arthur's voice is really amazing.

Arthur  1:19  

Well, then I just want to say to all my standards out there. How's it going? there? It is so good. Yeah. It is hot today.

Dia Bondi  1:29  

It sure is, is weird to me. I got to my office super early this morning, seven o'clock for a marketing meeting about something that I will announce. Maybe later in the summer after this episode is released. And I'm wearing like shorts and a loose blouse to stay cool. But then I remembered because I was here so early and it felt kind of cold on my feet that I have something and I'm picking it up and holding it up into the camera that might be familiar to you. I have my office slip office slippers kicked off the flip flops and put on my office slippers. So yes, it was cool this morning, but it's gonna get hot, hot, hot later. Yeah. So I had I started my day out so nicely. This is me talking about stuff. Can I talk about stuff,

Arthur  2:09  

let's talk about stuff.

Dia Bondi  2:11  

I am an activator with the shijo network. And if you're not familiar with the shijo network, check it out, go to shijo dot world. But we are basically a community of women who crowd fund early crowd funds 0% of money to create their present loans for early stage women led startups who are for profit but have a social impact angle to built into their business model. And periodically through our different ventures that we fund. Some of them, you know, they get 0% loan for two years, but they also get support and of the network. And I as a communications coach and catalyst I often work with our ventures to help them really crystallize. Not just their business story, but like their founder, how they talk about what they're doing in the world from two levels from the capital D meeting, like what impact Are you really having in the world? What is it that you're really doing? And then their lowercase D which is like, what is how are you actually doing? And how are you executing against that? What are the mechanisms you're using to actually bring that big D doing into the world. And this morning, I wrapped up? Often I'll meet with these women like three sessions, we wrapped up one engagement with women founder of STEM minds, who by recall actually recorded the conversation, I'm hoping to turn it into an episode for all y'all who are listening. And it was just it's so I love working with founders at this stage where they're just now getting very turned up and, and having a recognition that their job isn't just to talk about what they do from that lowercase D from that execution standpoint. Yes, it's really important, but they're also right in an opportunity where they're talking to investors, right an opportunity when they're talking to larger, you know, potential partners. And maybe I'm talking to maybe one of you who listening right now, this describes exactly the situation you're in. And that you're and that that founder, maybe your voice is a real catalyst for growing the business, basically, through partnerships, not just through the traditional way that we might think of like, you know, a founder grows a business through, you know, through VC funding and, you know, hiring, but through growing their impact grading penetration in new markets, you know, finding the partners that are going to help accelerate them going forward, you know, like bringing to them the community of champions who will help them get done, what they want to do in the planet, and how they talk about not just what they do from a lowercase D. I said that already and an uppercase D the impact they're really having, but also from who they are. And it's like There's some moments maybe some of you listening know this feeling where you get a chance at some part of your day to do exactly the thing that is in your zone of genius that has the impact on the people that matter to you in a super material way. And that's how I started my day, Arthur. And I just, it's gonna make the right no matter what happens the rest of the day. I'm good.

Arthur  5:26  

So today, we got a note at your Hello at dia email address. So excited hope all is well. I don't actually have an inquiry. I just wanted to send a note to say thank you. I attended a workshop you recently held at my company, what really resonated with me. And what I've shared with other women I know since was, price is a measure of value not worth. Keeping that simple quote in my mind helped me move on from being frustrated and resentful about being paid less than my worth. Instead, I was able to redirect my energy on finding an opportunity where my skills are valued, like I value them. reframing my thinking this way helped me approach my latest job search with more confidence and resilience. And I landed on an opportunity I'm so excited about and also negotiated a bit harder than I have in the past. Again, thanks so much. I just wanted to let you know how much your words of wisdom have really helped me.

Dia Bondi  6:20  

This is so rad. This is like so rare. I mean, yay for her that she managed to find a new role yay for her that she managed to negotiate and advocate for whatever mattered to her whether it was salary or comp package, or whatever it ended up being yay for all of that was really a for me is that she held on to this idea that price is a measure of value, not a way to determine your worth. And when I say for those of you who have not been in any of the asked like an auctioneer experiences you this is this is one of the core ideas and something I learned when I started auctioneering for an impact hobby, I thought over and over again standing on stage, what things would sell for wasn't always an AA was wasn't always what we thought they were worth. In both the positive and the negative. I literally would have auctioneer or fundraising clients say to me, like, Oh, we want this piece of art to sell for $10,000. That's what it's worth. And it would sell for 4200 or would sell for 23,000. So we have to kind of like what somebody else values about what we're doing about what we're selling about what we're, you know, shipping into the world cannot be an indication of our actual worth, they're not the same, because what we see as value, and what they see as value may not be in alignment with one another. And I and I say this in the workshop, because it plays out to be true in an auction all the time, what we think that what we value something out and what the audience values of that are not exactly the same. And if we use a number, that somebody else will say yes to whether it's salary, or your consulting rates, or your I don't know, whatever thing that you might charge $1 amount for or whatever thing you're asking for from somebody's effort or attention or time or you know, voice that you're borrowing from them or participation in the thing that you're doing. If we take that as an indication of what we are worth, then that actually that that can actually stifle our ability to feel free and courageous to ask for the biggest thing that we actually need in order to resource our goal or our dream. So this is such a valuable instead. So you need to go back here to say like, instead if we uncouple if we notice that like oh, what they see what they value, the thing that I'm I'm putting out in front of them is different than how I value it, I don't have to use that as a signal about whether what my worth is in the world, because you're born worthy. Our worth is infinite, right? It's about bringing together what we value in, in an intersection with what somebody else values in a way that works for both of us where there's alignment there. And to not use me for me in my though I have room in my practice to do three coaching engagements one on one at a time, at any one time, I have no more than three coaching clients. And if I you know, send a proposal out with $1 amount on it and a time commitment on it. And I get back and I roll and there's no way we you know this is way too expensive. That cannot be a signal for me to say, oh, then I must lower my prices by half. It has to be a signal to say oh, what you value and what I value aren't the same here and see if we can find an overlap and if we cannot, that doesn't have to be a comment on my worth or worthiness of the work that I do in the world. So this to me while her situation changed because You know, she was able to find something else that was more aligned with how she values herself and how the market was valuing what she was bringing. And she was able to negotiate, you know, harder for herself. That's all great, that's situational. But the real long term impact is the integration of this idea that what somebody will pay is just an indication of what they value. It is not a comment on my worth, or worthiness.

Arthur  10:26  

And if you value this podcast, there are a lot of ways you can support it. You can like or subscribe on your favorite pod catcher, you can review it, you can send us an email to Hello at Deobandi comm letting us know how much you appreciate the things you learn on this podcast. And you can also give us a call at 341-333-2997. And maybe we'll play your call on a future show, which is what we're gonna do today.

Dia Bondi  10:55  

Okay, as usual, I'm like, I'm nervous.

Unknown Speaker  10:59  

Hi, Dia, I was at one of your workshops last year. And I have a quick question. I don't actually have an app right now. So what tools do you recommend in order to identify an app? I don't currently have one.

Dia Bondi  11:11  

Okay, so clearly, she was in one of my ask for more and get at workshops, either your most powerful ask or ask like an auctioneer. And by the way, just a little plug if you work for an organization, or if you represent or plan events for women's associations, or your women's er, G's, employee resource groups, at your company or for your association. Two workshops are bookable right now in 2021, either virtual or live. And you can go to do to check that out. So this question that came, I think, came from one of those two workshops that we did earlier in the year. Or that one of those keynotes and workshops that we did earlier in the year. And I love this question, because my you know, in the world of asking for more and getting it, I'm doing two things, I want to help women and folks who are underrepresented in their industries, ask for more and get it and importantly, use asking as a success strategy, because I do think that asking is one of the most overlooked and in some cases actively avoided success strategies we have out there. And and it's one thing when you know, you have an ask coming up, whether it's a large proposal that you're putting on the table, whether you're I mean, I've had women come through, I think I've said this in other podcasts who are running for office for the first time and are having to go out and make you know, campaign contribution asks, whether you know, you have, you know, you're going to put your hand up for a new, you want to ask for a promotion, you know, you're going to ask for existing clients, you're going to raise their rates, and that feels like an ask, maybe you have one that's known. And in that case, I want you to actually ask for more and use the strategies that we're sharing in this podcast and and in other places, to get more of what you need, and challenge what you think you can get. But if you don't have an upcoming ask, and you're wondering, okay, I've got some pretty clear goals for myself, I want to, you know, I want to make a director level role, I want to be Director of Engineering and two years, for example, or I want to double my revenue in my business in the next three years, or three months. Who knows, or I want to, you know, again, I want to run for office and secure a public office, in my community, in my county in my state and my whatever. Maybe you have a goal to take a particular stage or publish a book, but you know, you have a goal and you're sort of like, I don't really have a How would I use an asking success strategy? I have a little framework for you. So if you're walking and listening to this, might want to pull your device out. So you can write this down. If you're sitting somewhere and listening, you might want to grab a pen and a paper and you're in your journal.

Arthur  13:51  

If you're driving, do it when you get to your destination.

Dia Bondi  13:54  

Yeah, if you're driving, don't do anything at all. Just enjoy this. That's great. Thank you. And so it goes like this. The first thing we want to do is we want to ask and thank you caller for this question. Beautiful question very rich, and one that comes up a lot in a lot of the workshops and conversations I have around helping folks ask for more and get it and use asking as a success strategy. Step one, and these three steps I'm going to share with you today are part of a multi step plan called an ask plan that we will that we craft together in the workshop your most powerful ask live. And so that is going to give you the first three steps. The first step is to identify what is my goal, super concrete. What exactly is my goal, and I'm not talking about this big B hags style, you know, big, hairy, audacious goals that live way out in the horizon that feel like they're always sort of, they're great and help you stretch but also feel like they're kind of moving away from you all the time. I'm talking about a super concrete goal, publish a book in the next you know, two years. get to that director level role, something You know, when you've arrived at it, you could name it and go up, did it done checked it off. So you know, identify or write down one of your key goals, maybe you have five or six, maybe you have two or three, maybe you have one, but you want to write them down mid term, concrete goals, then you're going to do step two, which is to ask yourself, what is one of the big moves that I need to make? That helped me get closer to that goal? Notice, we haven't even we haven't even asked the question, What What should I ask for, we don't go from goal to what's my ask, we say, what's my goal, what's one of the big moves I need to make? That is going to help me reach my goal. So your goal is to publish and be a best seller in the next two years, one of your big moves might be to secure an agent that is in the right at the right elevation in his or her career in their careers, to help you get to that bestseller status, you're not going to take any agent, you want to secure an agent, okay? That is going to lean toward helping you be a best seller sees what you're what you're trying to do. Maybe if you want to be director level in two years, maybe one of a big move you need to get is to secure a significant role on a very highly visible project in your organization, that that drives your own visibility, and gives you a strong platform to point to and stand on. When you're ready for that level up. These are just examples. Big moves. They're not super, we're not saying which you know, in the agent example, we're not saying which agent in the project example, we're not saying which project but we're recognizing Wow, if I did a large, highly visible and I was the lead on a project that gave me the visibility and and helped me establish a platform for getting to that to leveling up at work, whatever that project might be, that would be great. So step one, big goal. Step two, identify a very big move you need to make you could make in order to get you closer to your goals. Now you may have one goal and multiple big moves. In one of our episodes with Beth sandefur. We talked about the role of the we talked a little bit about the role of a board in your nonprofit, and and its role in fundraising so that you can fulfill the mission of your nonprofit, maybe one of your goals is to establish a nonprofit in the next 18 months. And one of the big moves you need to make is identify three key initial board members that are highly influential and will accelerate the launch of your of your nonprofit disparate example. It doesn't have to be a whole board. But maybe one big move is to get those first big three names that make a huge difference in the impact and and viability of your nonprofit. Okay, so you've got your first two, your first two questions answered. And by the way, most of the answers you have for these questions are right, one thing I have to say to adults a lot when I asked when I when I asked them a question in a coaching conversation, or in a workshop is to say what's, you know, what's the question? And then as they're thinking about it, to remind them that all of their answers are right, because, and especially on this show your goal, you get to have your goals you get to want what you want, you get to identify the move that you think are most relevant, these answers that you come up with are right, because this is yours. Now, the third step is the ask question. What might I ask for? And who might I ask it of, in order to

make that big move action, that big move so that I can get closer to my goals? What might I ask for? And who might I ask it of in order to action, that big move, so I can get to my goals. So maybe if you're in the book publishing example, maybe the big ask you need to make is of the three people that you know of that are maybe distant or close in for an informational interview about how best to source a source, the best agent for you. Maybe it's actually making the ask of a particular agent who you know, has an incredible record who might even feel a little bit like out of your league. Maybe an ask you could make is for another bestselling author that you know, to, to review your proposal so that when you submit it, if it's if it's your first one, it's really aligned to how the industry works. And these can this can feel really transactional and it is okay. These are the transactions you're going to make the asks you're going to make to action that day. Move that matters to reaching your goal. And they don't all have to be and they don't all have to be asked that or money tied. You know, folks asked me about this work there was like, Oh, you mean negotiation. And and I do mean negotiation, asking for more and getting it is about negotiation, but negotiation sort of as the second move, you know, first we're going to make the ask, then we're going to negotiate. And secondly, the asks that you make, don't all have to be around the traditional thing you think around negotiation, contracts and money, etc. It can be asking for people's time, attention, you know, endorsement championing etc. So, another example I gave was around making that director level role. And, Matt, imagine you want to promote to director level role in the next two years and you tying up being the lead on a really strategic, highly visible project is a huge, big move toward getting that getting that promotion, maybe the asks that you can make are, are there through what might I ask? And who might I ask it of in order to secure that kind of project? Well, you might need to know what projects are in the pipeline that you don't have visibility into, that you think that might be that you could then gain some visibility into, so that you can raise your hand to say, I'd like to take it. So are there asks of people cross functionally, that will, that will help you unearth what those projects might be, is the ask to identify three or four executives in and around your domain that might have visibility into things that are coming in being considered, you know, when those things actually end up needing to get resourced with the team? Are there other assets in your organization that you could make that get you access to, or put you in line for running those kinds of projects. And the third example I gave around maybe standing up in a nonprofit, and you're looking for an influential few influential initial board members, maybe the asks that you can make around asking those board members to come on board, maybe those asks you could make for introductions to those people, maybe the asks you can make is to be invited into a networking and you know, a networking group that you don't have access to now where you can find and sources influential voices. So you can make an exhaustive list of the 10 different asks you could make to help action that big move that you know, is so critical to you reaching your goal. Now, there's actually I'm going to share with you a peek into step number four, which is to say once you've identified those asks to challenge yourself and say in these asks, am I am I challenging what I think I can get? Or these asks small and table stakes for me? Am I actually am I stretching myself in talking to that one leader in my organization who feels a little bit out of my reach? Am I stretching and, you know, stepping into that one network of influential people that feel bigger than my britches, that's okay. And in fact, it's good. That's what asking for more means that we challenge our assumptions about where we are supposed to be playing in the asks that we make. So caller loved this question. I hope those of you who are driving in your car and not taking notes and instead taking those later when you get home or wherever you're going to be where you're wherever you're going to next for those of you listening right now with a pen and paper in hand or for those of you who are taking notes on a walk or wherever on your advice, if you capture you know, if you also are curious how my I've got some goals, I have some ideas about what you know, what I what I want to do in the next you know, one year three years, five years six months and and I want to use asking as a success strategy. I've now given you three little steps and sort of a bonus round to help you identify what kinds of asks you could make to help you get closer to those goals. And I'll just say them again one more time one was my big concrete goal. Two, what are the big moves? Or what is the big move I need to make? That brings me closer to that goal? And third, what are the asks I could make and who could I make them of that help action those big moves that bring me closer to those goals? And then little bonus round hint once I've identified those asks, am I low balling myself? Or am I stretching and challenging what I think I can get from I think I can get and by the way give because when we go to make asks we're in relationship of the people that the for the people that are making those asks of Am I blue balling myself or am I stretching? Am I going for the big thing that I really need and want to help accelerate me towards my goals?

Okay, baby, so that's it. That's my that's my advice. That's my framework. Yeah, that's my those are my thoughts.

Arthur  24:49  

I think we did another one.

Dia Bondi  24:50  

We sure did. I love this question. And for folks, I know Arthur says this in every single in every single episode, but like, you know, if you're Thinking about something that really matters to you right now in your life and career. And you want to talk about the stories that need to be told how to handle this situation where your voice matters in that moment, and a moment that feels high stakes, please just give us a call and leave a voicemail, we I am so honored for folks to share their journey with me and with us. And when you do call with, Hey, I got a situation and I and I, I'm not sure what to do or how to action it. Or how to use my voice to get more of what I need to get where I want to go. The most valuable thing that happens, you know, is is hearing other people workshop, their challenges in front of them in front of an audience or you know, to listen to that roll out can have huge value for a lot of folks. Because while you might, you know, these challenges might be yours. You're not always that unique, you know, you're not alone in it. A lot of us struggle with these really critical pivot moments where we have to unlock something that get us where we want to go.

Arthur  26:04  

This Podcast is a production of Dia Bondi Communications and it's produced and scored by me are thoroughly on Adams the third, you can like, share rate and subscribe on Apple podcast, Google podcast, Spotify, Stitcher, or wherever you get your favorite podcasts. Find us at Dia Bondi comm or follow us on Instagram at the Deobandi show. Want to shoot us a question for the show? Call us at 341-333-2997 and maybe you'll hear your question answered on a future episode.

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