How Empowered Women Empower Women

In this episode, we have a very special guest, Jane Finette. She is the author of Unlocked: How Empowered Women Empower Women and she is also the founder of The Coaching Fellowship. She joins us to discuss her book as well as how to break through the difficulties in bringing equity and equality to women everywhere. She’s a heart and a soul. She’s an inspiration.

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Jane Finette, author of Unlocked: How Empowered Women Empower Women and founder of The Coaching Fellowship joins us to discuss her new book.  This episode turns into much more of a pep talk to reinvigorate your feminism and to continue to charge on in the face of difficulties by bringing equity and equality to women worldwide unto the experience that you live everyday.

Jane points to the fact that we have lost traction in our fight for women equality this past year on a global scale.  In this conversation, we discuss how we can and why we must continue to fight for women’s equality.  Jane reminds us why this matters and she reminds us to connect to the purpose of this work to allow us to continue to energize the work despite how huge the task is and how far we have to go.

If you’re looking for more inspiration follow Jane here

Donate to or apply to The Coaching Fellowship

And join Jane in her quest to elevate and accelerate the fight for women’s equality. 

Get Jane’s Book Unlocked: How Empowered Women Empower Women

Apply for The Coaching Fellowship

Learn more on Jane’s website

Follow Jane on LinkedIn

See Jane’s other project Be Radical


Learn more about Lynne Twist

Dia Bondi  00:04

What had you title your book unlocked?

 

Jane Finette  00:07

I believe we have to see ourselves as activists as when we've got far too many problems to solve as women. So we must all see ourselves as activists and in our own way to unlock the true potential of all women

 

Dia Bondi  00:23

beautiful hello everyone welcome to the Dr. Bondi show a big podcast for women with goals if you if you've got it if use Did you hear what I just said? Arthur? I said, gotta go Yeah, if you've got a goal we want to help you get there's

 

Arthur  01:00

got it you guys got a goals guys go out on the street and play stickball.

 

Dia Bondi  01:03

If you all have a goal, we want to help you get there by helping you speak powerfully. Ask for more and get it. Resource your dreams so that you can live and work in a life that feels like yours. So Hello, everyone. I'm Dia Bondi, and I have with me, my on air bestie. Arthur Leon Adams, the third. Hi, Arthur. Hey. So today, we're gonna have our guest with us. Jane finat, who is executive director and founder of the coaching fellowship, and so much more. I'm super excited to talk to her talk to her about her new book. But first, I have some stuff on my mind.

 

Arthur  01:40

Oh, yeah. All right,

 

Dia Bondi  01:41

hit me with it. Well, this week, I did a short online workshop for an organization and somebody asked the question, can I be in my Zoho, and for folks who are new listening, or maybe your longtime listening, but you don't know what the Zoho is Zoho is what I call the zone of freaking out. It's the it's the kinds of asks are the kinds of moments that we experienced in our careers as we go to enter careers in our businesses as we go toward our goals, where we have to do something that puts us in the zone of freaking out, which is, by the way, where I know, all the potential is people say, get out of your comfort zone. It's like, well, if you're not in your comfort zone, where are you probably in the zopo. So somebody asked me in the class, you know, how do I if I'm doing something that is Zoho ish? How do I not look like I'm in my Zoho, and I want to share with everyone like you can both be freaking out on the inside and not be freaking out on the outside simultaneously. You can be having the experience of your heart on fire. And, and nobody can tell. And I kind of want everyone to just not expect themselves to feel completely blissed out when they go do something that feels like stretch. You can actually feel over the top on the inside and look completely cool and call and calm and collected on the outside. That's not about being fake. That's about leaving room for you having an experience that is your own experience something that is your perception, your experience of the moment and have the experience external to your body. Be a different one. It's okay. It's not different than for me when I'm freaking out about what my you know, kids not doing their chores, but actually having a calm voice when I talked to them about it. Rare happening, but still, am I freaking out on the inside? Yes. Am I freaking out on the outside? No. Does that mean I'm inauthentic? No, that's about me recognizing that there those two experiences can be happening at the very same time. And the fact that you feel like you're freaking out or expect yourself to not feel like that in order to do it can prevent you from doing it. So yeah, go ahead and freak out. And you can be like I'm freaking out on the inside and collected on the outside and both are okay.

 

Arthur  03:59

Alright, so we got a voicemail and let's take a listen to it.

 

Dia Bondi  04:03

Let me say before you do that, Arthur that like I listened to this voicemail before I added it to today's programming and and it's actually this is not on purpose. But it's sort of a perfect example of the experience of doing something and feeling a certain way about it that isn't exactly necessarily aligned to how you're showing up in it. So I think it's perfect for talking about the Zoho.

 

Arthur  04:25

Yeah, nice tie in. Okay, here we go.

 

Dia Bondi  04:27

We'll see.

 

04:29

Yeah, okay, so the verdicts still out, but I just had a pricing conversation with a prospective client and I gave them the number for proposal that scared the shit out of me. So you know, it definitely made me think of you and all of the all of the you know, ask like an auctioneer and all of that. So I will let you know what happens. I hope to come back with some good news very shortly, but I just wanted to keep you updated. Thank you so much, and I look forward to you soon bye.

 

Dia Bondi  05:02

Okay, so let me say that I will be following up with her to find out what happened. But this is a perfect example of she said she just put a number on a proposal to a prospective client that scared the shit out of her. That was his zolfo decision. That was his zolfo choice. And I would this woman who sent this voicemail is a woman who is cool, calm and collected on the outside is an understatement. So she is living right now in her Zoho, but you wouldn't even guess. And that in my mind is what this show is all about that we can, that we can stretch ourselves in new ways. And, and be okay with the experience of it. And do it anyway.

 

Arthur  05:46

If you want to call us and tell us about something exciting going on your life like you're stepping into Zoho, you made it ask you are excited about something that you learned about on the show, you can give us a call at 341-333-2997. You can also send us an email to Hello at Deobandi calm. We actually just got a nice little note from Megan. She said, Dia, I love your podcast, one of my go twos keep doing it. You're making an impact.

 

Dia Bondi  06:13

Oh, it's so good. Thank goodness, because y'all it's kind of like shouting into the void over here. Totally. You never know. So when you let us know, it helps a lot. Both was just keeping our energy here with it. But it also helps us a content strategy. So if you let us know what you want to hear more about. We'd love to hear that as well.

 

Arthur  06:33

Yeah, and you can also like or subscribe rate and review on your favorite podcast app. And that will just help the show reach more people. Huge difference.

 

Dia Bondi  06:41

Alright, so

 

Arthur  06:42

today, who do we got

 

Dia Bondi  06:43

today we have Jane finet. Jane finet is the founder and executive director of the coaching fellowship, which is a nonprofit organization dedicated to the development of young women leaders in social change. Jane is a leadership expert and a Certified Professional co active coach. She uses the collective model, which is the same model I use in my coaching practice. And Jane has dedicated her life to really achieving equity for women and empowering them to create impact and build the world of tomorrow. Right now. A 2020 women forward Gold Award winner from the Business Council for peace. Jane's passion, expertise, in two decades of experience is anchored in the intersection of technology and human potential. And at her core, she empowers individuals and communities to solve the world's largest, most persistent and perennial problems. So I'm we're having Jane on the show today, because Jane is someone I've been tracking actually, for nearly a decade, she managed a global community of folks in the open source space, and then went on to found and grow the coaching fellowship and now is an author and does so much in the world of helping folks really realize their own potential. And I'm bringing her on today to give us a perspective on what coaching is, and how if you're looking to engage a coach to help you advance yourself, what you might look for, how do you pick a coach? What is coaching for you? And how do you think about how do you think about attacking the goals that you have in your mind in your heart, in a way where you're not alone? So I'm looking forward so much to this conversation with Jane finet. Jane, hello,

 

Jane Finette  08:35

hi. So great to see deer.

 

Dia Bondi  08:38

It's so great to see you. It's so great to hear your beautiful voice. Listen, I am so thrilled to have you here today and to talk about your new book, which is launching this week in October 2021. Is that correct? next week, next week wildly so yeah, it's so it's so exciting. I swear I like I you know, I know all the work that you're doing all the time. And then all of a sudden, I looked away from it. And I looked back and you're holding up a book, like I wrote a book. And so congratulations to you.

 

Jane Finette  09:03

Thank you, you know, we all lost a year right with COVID. And I feel like I just went into a black hole of writing and it's just gone like it's gone crazy. It's so yeah, it's amazing what you can do when you've got nothing else to do right when you're home. So awesome.

 

Dia Bondi  09:16

Yeah, we're gonna talk about that today. But I want to start with you are the founder and executive director of the coaching fellowship. And I want folks to understand what led you to launching and growing this thing.

 

Jane Finette  09:31

Yeah, thank you so much for asking me. And, you know, so I've done a lot of different things in my career. I've had multiple careers actually everything from being an attack executive to an entrepreneur a number of times I actually was I owned an art gallery for some time. So I've done a lot of different things in my career. And it was really toward the end of probably the biggest job of my life at Mozilla, which of course, here is how I got to know you where I was responsible. For all of user engagement for Firefox, that web browser, and at that time, you know, I was responsible for all of the Firefox users and all of engagement. So that was like half a billion Firefox users and 90 plus language versions. And I was the job of my life as I thought. And it was at this time that I got access to leadership development and coaching. And I had worked at a lot of companies and had a lot of leadership development training, as I thought, but not this kind of training. Because this was all about coaching, this was all very individual. And it really allowed me to take a really good hard look at myself. And, and I learned a few things which had taken me sort of, like 45 years to get to know. And I thought, Crikey, I'm in the wrong job, I'm in the wrong job. So I went, I got trained as a coach. And what I wanted to do, and this is the really the founding story behind the coaching fellowship was, I wished I'd had access to this terrific gift of coaching. You know, when I was a young woman, because I'd have done some things differently, I have no regrets. And I know that I'd have got here a little bit faster, I think. And so I wanted to help more women get access to coaching, I specifically wanted to help them in the social impact space, because they're even less likely to have this opportunity. And so yes, so started and now, you know, fast forward, it's been seven years that have put more than 1200 women through the program from 70 countries. They're all really social change activists for social, social, impact entrepreneurs, nonprofit leaders, and we're helping them gain even more access to their to their leadership is so they can increase their impact in the world.

 

Dia Bondi  11:51

A minute ago, you said, If I had had access to this kind of work sooner, I would have gotten here sooner, whereas here, where is it, you would have gotten faster? Yeah, I

 

Jane Finette  12:01

mean, I think I mean, for me, really, fundamentally understanding that what drives me what, and that's really about values for me. So, you know, I grew up in the middle of England, in a very political family working class, very political trade union movement, family. And I care deeply about creating access, and democratizing access to things. And I had done that a few times in my career, but didn't really do it on purpose. It kind of it was a happy accident, or I, you know, I probably made decisions, but I wasn't totally conscious of them. So when I stand here today, and I'm helping young women get access, create, democratize, and create access to leadership development does really right on for me and who I am at my core. And I think if I'd have been able to have learned a little bit more about that about my values about what makes me tick, or what about what I care about most in the world, then I'd have found work which aligned more with my values much earlier on to

 

Dia Bondi  13:03

give folks listening, a sense of how the coaching fellowship works. Yeah, isn't how it works.

 

Jane Finette  13:09

Yeah, absolutely. And it's evolved a little bit over the years as well. So today, we run two pretty big fellowship programs per year. And we take about 100, up to 150 women. It's an application process, pretty rigorous application process, we often get comments that actually the application in itself was a learning experience. Some people have learned more about themselves. And they've done in a long time by sitting down and reflecting on the kinds of questions that we're asking them, which are very reflective about their learning experiences, challenges that they might have had, and how did they overcome them, and so on. And we're looking for a couple of things through the application process, we're looking for the scope and scale of impact that they're having in the world. So trying to understand what are they all about? What have they been doing? What are they want to do more of? And then also their readiness for coaching? Because there are they're going to be able to jump right in? Do they have the time? Do they have the commitment? Are they all in and if they are, we know we can do some really exciting things for them. So when they have been accepted, they get matched with an executive coach, and they work together for six months,

 

Dia Bondi  14:20

some pretty at a low Bono rate, right?

 

Jane Finette  14:22

It is so it's it's it is not free? That's for sure. So there is a program fee and there always has been and that is because I believe there has to be a little bit of skin in the game when you do leadership development and and coach it

 

Dia Bondi  14:35

is much more much more affordable than it would be otherwise. Absolutely. And then that's sort of the access part. Yes.

 

Jane Finette  14:40

I mean, we're looking at Yes, thank you for saying that. And we're looking at an engagement six month coaching engagement, which could be everything sort of like 5678 $15,000 later, depending on on the kind of coach and we're asking our fellows to to pay 495 dollars for six months of coaching. Yeah,

 

Dia Bondi  15:02

that's that's an insane rate. And amazing. And this is probably what allows you also to work with social impact leaders, women in that space across countries and across sort of across economies.

 

Jane Finette  15:16

It's a no, it's so true. And also I just have to point out, you know, couldn't do this work either if it wasn't for community of executive coaches, who volunteer completely. So they are completely pro bono with the work that they they do for the coaching fellowship? And so yes, so we're working with women based in East Africa, co earning less than $100 a month, you know, to local low income community workers out of inner city, Detroit, let's say. So yeah, so even even more, so we still have sponsored positions. And we also have payment plans, because there are still women who were, you know, 495 is still a very difficult amount of money for for them.

 

Dia Bondi  15:59

Sure. Can you help also listeners understand, when you say social impact entrepreneurs, social impact leaders? What kinds of work are these women doing?

 

Jane Finette  16:09

Yeah. And well, it's across the gamut. And I've been, I've been asked many times, why didn't you specialize? But didn't you just say, oh, we're only going to help women who are working on the climate crisis, or are only going to help humanitarian leaders. And, you know, I guess I'm just of the ilk that I want, I just want to help everyone that's doing some good in the world. So examples of, of women. When I first started out, one of the first women I worked with, was someone who was rehabilitating child soldiers in Sierra Leone, you'll also find activists working with indigenous populations in the Amazon, too. Just recently done a lot of work supporting COVID frontline women workers, so women working directly on the frontlines and healthcare er doctors, for example, pediatricians, and some government workers over the time had White White House, presidential fellows, people working on water projects, solar projects, but really across across all the sectors that you might imagine when it comes to try to make the world a better place.

 

Dia Bondi  17:19

Fantastic. So this year, thank you, this year or this month, you're launching a book that you wrote over the last year. What is this book?

 

Jane Finette  17:32

Well, maybe Can I tell you why I wrote it maybe as a good start, because oh, yeah, here we are, gosh, still really far into COVID and a pandemic. But you know, really, last summer, so summer 2020. The media didn't didn't make a good reading that it regardless of where you were in the world, or what subject you were looking at the economy, the climate, racism. And of course, women's women's issues. And every headline I was reading about women was that we were going backwards, you know that we've, we've made some pretty slim gains when it came to advancing women and girls around the world. And those limb gains were being eroded. And when you looked at the World Economic Forum, that global gender index report came out and said that we'd lost 36 years of progress in 2020, when that came to women's rights, women's access to school, women dropping out of the workforce, because they had other care duties. And I was horrified. And you know, this was me, who had been working with women leaders for seven years, who gets to work with the most incredible young women doing extraordinary things. And there I was despondent, ready to chuck in the towel just really like struggling, depressed, and really wondering how on earth are we going to move forward? And, you know, so I wanted to write a positive book, actually, I wanted to let people know, because they started reconnecting with some of the extraordinary women in my network and within the fellowship that women I'd worked with, and asked if they'd be willing to share their stories with me, because even though the headlines are dire, I knew that there was work that was happening, that it had not stopped. And I wanted to share those stories. And then the second part was, what can we do? What can we do every day? You know, if we're not lobbying government, and we don't have all of the decision making with even within our organizations, then what are the things that we can do to affect change every single day as women helping women?

 

Dia Bondi  19:48

Beautiful, it's really similar theme I was involved with an event that was tied to the UN, a un summit a handful of years ago, and the theme was the case for optimism, because it was in the middle of a time Where it felt like the opposite? And it was too easy to not find it?

 

Jane Finette  20:03

Yeah, no, seriously. Yep. Yeah,

 

Dia Bondi  20:06

this book has two parts to the title. And I want to talk about those two parts. Right? So the first part is unlocked. What had you title your book unlocked?

 

Jane Finette  20:19

Yeah. So I mean, I think that, I mean, women are, like, we know we're incredible. Pretty much. Yeah. And, you know, you've probably heard this and felt this way, just like you better not, like, do not stand in the woman in the way of a woman on a mission, like women will move heaven and earth we've done for millennia, right? It's no, it's our spiritual being we are. We are protectors of the earth and all of humanity. And, you know. So the thing is right now is that we're not really able to get that manifesting in the world. So I talk a lot about flywheel systems, you know about virtuous circles, where if you've helped one person, that person helps you know, one more person, then we're not just that's not linear growth, there's exponential growth. And we've we're all very familiar with exponential. Now we've lived through a year and a half of a pandemic, right? So I'm like, create one action, one action can help unlock the potential of another. But this isn't something you do once this is a, this is a multiple multiples is something we have to do every day, I believe we have to see ourselves as activists, as when we've got far too many problems to solve as women. So we must all see ourselves as activists and in in our own way to unlock the true potential of all women.

 

Dia Bondi  21:49

Beautiful. So I want to talk about grit for just a second. Yes. So I yeah, I am in the business, I think this falls into the category of grit, because we're having to use grit to do this thing that is really irritating me. So I'm gonna talk about that. So I'm in the business of helping folks speak powerfully. And you know, part of that is helping women ask for more and get it and you know, that doesn't just live in the world of what you think of as traditional negotiation. I'm talking about the kinds of asks strategic asks, we have to make to resource our dreams, ask, you know, acts asking for access to something, making the asks that give us the visibility, the penetration into a market that matters to what we're trying to do. It's not just about dollars and cents, it can be about dollars and cents, but it can be so much more. And you right, we're living in a world where women still need to fight for access to capital, voice opportunity skills, and more. Yet, once unlocked, women hold the key to realizing the true potential of our global society. So the first part of this piece that you write made me think and when I was preparing for this conversation with you that we continue to put the burden on women to solve these inequities that they actually experience. And that pisses me off. You know, this is what I'm working, when I'm, when I go to an organization or work with a women's er G or go to an event and talk about helping women strategically ask for more and get it, you know, that's effort of they're trying to, you know, grit and effort to try to penetrate as you say, fighting for access, fighting for access to capital, voice opportunity, skills, and more. Yeah, and this just pisses me off that we're still we will and do hold the burden to break this thing. thoughts.

 

Jane Finette  23:29

You know, it's so yes, it's true. But if we come back to all sides of the case of we're lots of it, I have lots of responses to the spread. I mean, everything from you know, optimism, it's like, it's not going to happen, it's just not we have to just be clear, it is not going to happen unless we unless we do something it just isn't it didn't it didn't also, you know, work for the gay rights movement, right you know, as sort of like had to keep fighting to be brought enough people with you that then finally you could get straight people on board, it was actually straight people who then did write advocate for, for more gay rights, but in the, you know, in the beginning, it still requires that we advocate for ourselves. And that's particularly what you know, what I'm concerned about, sorry, what I'm all about is, how do we do that for each other as sisters? Like and and we do do it, but how do we do more of it, that it will create an impact, I'm talking about really collective activism. You know, this is where we all like, you know, deer, I think about to you. And I actually think before I was preparing for our conversation together, and I think about what you did for me 10 years ago. So to your listeners that are here, no deer helped me find my voice and has continued to do that for the past 10 years. And I don't believe I'd be sitting here right now and talking about a book that I'd written in an organization that I'd founded that's helped all these women. If it wasn't for incredible women in my life, like you, you know, it's crazy

 

Dia Bondi  24:59

about that. For me, Jane is like I'm like, choked up thinking about I don't even remember that. I don't. But but it speaks to, it's not to say that it didn't happen, it just speaks to like, we, when we do, you know, I'm just doing in the world what I want to do, and it, it gets lost, where we have the impact because we're on to the next thing or we, we don't always know what landed and what made a move for something like I'm choked up about it. But that's beautiful to hear you say, Jane, thank you. And it's tied to this idea that we can, you know, amplify and accelerate each other as sisters, and we don't always know when, when it's happening. And we have to kind of have faith that even when we don't know that if we're acting on purpose, and without intention, it's probably happening in corners of your experience, you're not even noticing

 

Jane Finette  25:56

1,000% 1,000% and you know, and that's the, when you said about the, you know, being pissed off, like, I totally get you and like, are we not done? Or it's 110 years since we had the vote and like, Are we still freaking, you know, having to deal with this crap. Like, it's unbelievable. To me, it really is. And so, like, you know, I'm done. I'm like, if I, like I'm, I'm nearly 50. And I'm, like, I don't want to be I want to be the last generation, you know, that we that is having to do with this, it's it's impossible that we're continuing to fight for our rights for our bodies. For wealth creation, for opportunity, I mean, good grief, look at, you know, the the recent events in Afghanistan, where we're back to trying to fight for rights, for children to send girls to go to school. I mean, it's our children to read and write. It's absolutely outrageous. And we, you know, we have to collectively take a stand for that. So it Yes, go ahead.

 

Dia Bondi  27:00

I'm sorry, I just want to point to the second half, because this is sort of in the theme of the second half of the title of your book, which is empowered women empower women.

 

Jane Finette  27:10

Yeah. Yes. Yes. And that's, you know, what you were also beaut, so beautifully describing, as well, I see as what women do so naturally, it's just I want us to be able to do more of it. And when we do help one another, and by the way, this, you know, I kind of wrote this for women, but it's true of men to male allies doing this for one another. Like we can all benefit from these 10 keys that I wrote, that I wrote, but in particular for women, and how women show up for other women. You know, they say a US ID says that women in the developing world will give 90% of the resources back into their communities from what they've either that was money they earned and that or their foods, that they've grown, etc, that knowledge that they have. And for men, it's only 40%. And I'm not making them wrong about that. But what I'm saying is that when you empower one woman, the potential of the others that you will impact is extraordinary. The Rebecca solnit one of my favorite quotes from her is, feminism is not a scheme to destroy men, but a campaign to liberate us all. And you know, I really believe this is true, because when you women see the bigger picture more than themselves. And yes, I mean, I get on my soapbox about it.

 

Dia Bondi  28:35

Yeah, I mean, that makes me a guest I want to have on this show is someone who was profiled in the documentary called the feminist on cellblock nine or subblock. I'm gonna have to put it in the show notes. But I did had a chance to do teach a class for for something called defy ventures, which teaches entrepreneurship and leadership in in prison and out of prison for currently incarcerated and recently released individuals and mostly men. And the the, the program was tied to a leader who was teaching feminism in prison as a way to liberate men from the this slew of toxic masculinity that people like bell hooks, you know, define and write about. So I love that quote that you're that you're bringing on. And I hope to have somebody from defy ventures actually coming onto the show. Oh, I

 

Jane Finette  29:29

can't wait to listen to that. Yeah,

 

Dia Bondi  29:31

yeah, that's a beautiful organization. So I want to, I want to so this podcast is a podcast for women with goals, okay. And folks, you know, I really want to have an impact on women and underrepresented folks in their own industries. Because when we get more decision making power and money in the hands of those two groups, we can change everything for all of us and just even your naming that into the developing world. 90% of of, of resources that women gain, they plow back into their families and communities is a perfect example of how, you know, elevating one woman has a huge ripple effect. And, and I want to talk about coaching in just a second because I set this podcast up for folks to say, like, we're going to talk about coaching and how women on this on this show who have a goal in mind a goal in their hearts, how they can use coaching to leverage their own empowerment, you know, they can grow their own fierceness or, you know, strategy and clarity around how they might get to that. But first, I want to, I want to say that, you know, we're all concerned concerned with empowering others, and we often overlook getting empowered. Life's getting some of it for ourselves. Absolutely. So for what is it for women to be on the receiving end of this? and How the hell do we do that? Yeah, yeah, you know,

 

Jane Finette  30:54

gosh, spoiler alert. But the final chapter of my book is, you know, I talked about the whole way through the book cuz you you quoted earlier as about creating access to capital access to voice access to opportunity access to network x, x axis access, and the final one is about access to self. And, and it's closely tied to coaching as we were just bringing that into. So yeah, so one of the one of the hardest things for women is to ask for help. I remember listening to Gloria Steinem some years ago, speaking, and she said to the audience, you're familiar with a golden rule? And everyone was like, Yes, yes. And we will listen to you the golden rule is Do unto others, what you would have done unto yourself, and, and she said, whatever you're familiar with the golden rule for for women are like, No, no, we're not, like do unto yourself, as you would do unto others. Right? And that really struck me because we do we have a hard, very, very hard time asking for help. We have number one in the queue to give it out to support anyone who asks for help, or if we see someone and we're like rushing to help them. Yes, it's a very different story when it comes to ourselves.

 

Dia Bondi  32:11

I find a lot of fear around that in my workshop, your most powerful ask live we talk about building an ask strategy and making an ask that is bigger than you're accustomed to making. And a lot of fear comes up a lot of fear. What if I'm seen as x, y, and z, I look greedy, I look too ambitious I'm, it's almost like a, it has some, it has some thrill of like actually resourcing your dream. And also some fear of it actually crumbling your reality, because you might be running up against, you know, you might be operating in a way that is opposed to the gender expectation, you might be actually prioritizing your own need in that moment. And, you know, it can be very confronting for folks.

 

Jane Finette  32:52

Yes, absolutely. I in fact, also in the book, you know, write about my own experience that I believe I do believe that my life and my career changed when I finally felt able to ask other women for help. And and it's a it's a very, it's a, it's a huge challenge, but it's also really liberating to be on the receiving end, if you can push, if you can push through it in my in my experience of reef total reframing, it's like a judo move here. But as you know, if you want to continue to be the person who is empowering others also see it as when you ask for help, you are giving another empowering moment to someone else. Because to be asked for help is a wonderful thing, you know, to say, someone sees me, someone knows I've got some advice to give, I've got something that could be of use to this incredible person. Wow, isn't that empowering? I'm giving myself goosebumps kind of saying this here. But you know, so if you're having trouble for yourself, think of the other person and how they'll help they'll receive the requests from help for us help.

 

Dia Bondi  34:02

That's beautiful. And in my language, I say like inside of every ask is an offer. And that offer can be to let someone who is giving you something, shine, be the hero, demonstrate their wisdom, do something to pay, you know, their what they've received forward to be able to act in alignment with their own values, that they get to live in some ways, express themselves through showing up for you.

 

Jane Finette  34:28

Absolutely know couldn't agree more.

 

Dia Bondi  34:31

I'm like on the verge of tears right now for like the last 12 minutes just so everyone knows.

 

Arthur  34:34

Let me know if you need me to tag in to ask the rest of the questions. Thank thanks.

 

Dia Bondi  34:38

So you have access to the script. So that's very helpful for you. Thank you. So let's talk about coaching for a second okay. Yeah. So I know you are a huge coaching advocate I mean, this the the origin story of the coaching fellow fellowship is rooted in your own coaching experience in be on the receiving end. So coaching is starting to be a real saturated space. And when I look around, there's a lot of brand and not a lot of bite, which it just to me is there's a lot of bullshit out there, okay, so many coaches and you know, I hear I hear folks talking about their coaching, when I hear them coach, it's really feedback, it's not coaching, because that's not the same thing. And I can rant about that for a very long time. So I'm in, you know, many coaches are focused on folks who are at the beginning of something, you know, feeling a little bit lost, and looking to discover or anchor on something. But there's a I think there's a big gap in coaching for women who know what they want, who already are, like, the folks who come into the coaching fellowship, I imagine these are women who are like, this is where I want to have my impact, they are clear on I will we

 

Jane Finette  35:45

screen for that. That's what we want. Yes, we want because we want to enable even more impact in the world. I mean, we're looking for women who maybe have touched, you know, several 100,000 people's lives in their work, and they're 30 years old, and we're like, wow, we want to help you do more, but not.

 

Dia Bondi  36:04

So my question is, are two parts in your mind, like help folks understand what is coaching? And what is not coaching?

 

Jane Finette  36:12

Right? Like a million dollar question. Well, that's what I love to say coaching is like tofu, right? leadership is like tofu, because it's gonna take on whatever flavor you put on it, because it's pretty, like, you know, just mellow, boring, you know, but it's gonna take on lots of flavors. And, for me, my philosophy and how I see the world is that, first of all, coaching is whole person coaching. So that's not only actually about what's going on at work, or life coaching, what's going on at home, but you're not a different person at work or home, you're exactly the same person, just the circumstances are different. And so, personally, I am all about coaching, which is going to look at the whole picture for you. And use it what is coating Who? Yeah, oh, gosh, I wish I had like a buck for every time I've tried to explain this, and I've done it badly. You know, what I really believe at my core is coaching is about helping you help yourself. So you are not broken, you do not need fixing. This is not therapy got onto what coaching is not in a moment, but rather really having someone help you figure out what what is most important to you. And we're just going to help you see for yourself how you're going to get there. So, you know, I honestly, I really deeply like profoundly believe we are powerful beyond all measure. Sometimes we need someone who's going to reflect that back to us is going to hold our feet to the fire probably want things more than we want it ourselves, especially when the going gets tough, right? And and to have someone in your corner is non judgmental champion, who is only there to serve you with no other interest. What it's not. So it's not meant in my view of the world as well. It's not mentoring, we're not going to give you advice. One of the most frustrating things about coaching, is people want the answers. Well, the idea of for me of coaching is they're going to help you find the answer because you're the one who knows that best for yourself, you know you better than anyone else. It's also not therapy, we're not looking backwards. We're not trying to, you know, sort of debunk something that happened years and years ago, coaching is all about looking forward, it's about looking to the future about creating a manifesting what you want, what you're dreaming about what you want to have, and helping you get there, helping and that just to double underline, but they're helping you get there, you are the one that's going to do this. I was trained at CTI, and they have this beautiful turn of phrase which I borrow all the time, which is they talk about coaching, being about deepening the learning and forwarding the action. So you're going to learn about yourself and about what it is you want. And but it's just a very nice intellectual conversation if you don't actually do something about it. So that's where the, deepen the learning forward the action, or you actually have to get into action. But then it's a virtual circle. Because if you've done something and you're not conscious of it, or you haven't done it with intention, or you haven't taken a moment to reflect on what happened, then again, you're just acting maybe randomly, maybe not in line with your values, etc. So it's this continual loop of Learning and Action Learning and Action and you can get pretty far by taking taking those steps,

 

Dia Bondi  40:01

beautiful I love I'm also certified collective coach and yet deepen the learning and for the action is, it's also a really beautiful thing to use when you're a little lost to go, what am I doing? Is this a moment where I'm deepening my learning? Or is this the moment to get into action? And those can happen, there might be multiple action steps that then we get into the deep learning. You know, it's not always like a one and then one and then one and then one, you know, yeah,

 

Jane Finette  40:27

absolutely, yes. I mean, another another sort of slice of this is, with coaching as well as is being and doing, right. And we think one thing a coach can really do for you is help reflect the being part so we can get very caught up in what are we doing or what's, what's my next job, or my goals, and they're all sort of activity, things that we forget that we're always being someone in those moments as well. And so being able to shed more light on that and more choice about who I want to be and how I want to show up. And so I mean, just thinking about your incredible work day or two and helping someone really sink into who that being, while they are asking for what they are worth. Wow. like to say no to that.

 

Dia Bondi  41:14

What does a woman look for? In a coach?

 

Jane Finette  41:18

Yeah, in my experience has been lots of things that I couldn't say that it's, it's it's one in particular, and I think I would say this is true of all coaching that there's, there's a lot of chemistry when you absolutely need to make sure your coach is trained, certified, and comes with some recommendations. But I have learned over the years as well, that so much is about connection, do I do I trust this person? Do I? You know, we've all want different things. So sometimes, depending on our goals we want or our personality, we want someone who's nurturing and going to sort of like, grab us and sort of slowly pull us alone. But other times in our lives we want someone Forgive me dear, but a bit more like you, which is like holy hell, like, Let's go, you know, and you know that that's a very different personality, different chemistry. No, no way is right or wrong. It's like, it's just what the kind of personality that you feel is going to help you with the goals that you that you want to achieve sometimes means a little shake. And that's great.

 

Dia Bondi  42:27

That's right. And you know this when I when I think about Yes, asking for more getting it and what the second half of this around resourcing your dreams, like having a coach that is doing the things that you just talked about showing up in the way in which you just talked about is one of the ways you put resources onto your dreams. And I think, you know, we might not always need the same thing. It might be that my dream, the stage that I'm in right now moving toward my dreams, needs someone who is holding space and is more. giving me the room, as you said for nurturing that I need. And other times, your dreams may need a little ass kicking. And that you can have both at different times. It's not like you have to pick one and this is the thing for me.

 

Jane Finette  43:13

Absolutely, absolutely. Yeah, I mean, I will now we have we have fellows who we've worked with, you know, seven years ago who come back to us and they they're going really like to do coaching again. And yeah, I always get really curious about what they're what they're looking for this time because they're different different stages of growth, different goals and and how fantastic that there's there are a lot of choices

 

Dia Bondi  43:38

out there. So folks listening today, you know, of course, go get Jane's book unlocked empowered women empower women, you can visit the coaching fellowship, to see what that's all about. And if you are a social impact entrepreneur, social impact leader, maybe the coaching fellowship is right for you or one of your colleagues and friends in your community. If you're interested in helping resource women to advance their goals, the coaching fellowship may be one of those resources. Jane, what is your hope for women today?

 

Jane Finette  44:12

Yeah. My hope for women is they the way that we really fully know, deep deep down our full power, because when we know it, we can't do anything but to use it. And we know when women join the negotiating table that there is more peace and less war. We know that literacy rates go up. We know child infant mortality will go down when women are just doing the things that women do but in the full power. The world changes. You know, Lynne twist. She fantastic Lorna khatoun nodding She is an icon incredible feminist and advocate for all women. She talks about basically the idea of flying with one wing and that we are. Today humanity is flying as a bird with one wing and the men in our lives are tired and they're exhausted. And is it any wonder that, that we have so many problems like we do today. But it is only when women can finally take their equal place, that the burden of humanity can not only not only fly again, but can really soar. And that's that's what I live for. That's what this book is all about. It's what our work is all about the coaching fellowship. And it is for all of humanity that women know that their their power is beyond measure.

 

Dia Bondi  45:52

So I'm going to invite every woman listening right now to follow Jane finast. We can we will make sure that you have a way to do that in the show notes. Janet has been an absolute joy to have you with us today.

 

Jane Finette  46:05

Thank you, dear, thank you so much for the opportunity. And it's wonderful to do this great work alongside you.

 

Dia Bondi  46:24

This Podcast is a production of Dia Bondi Communications and is produced and music ified by Arthur Leon Adams the third aka baby a. You can like share rate and subscribe at Apple podcasts, Google podcasts, Spotify or wherever you get your favorite podcasts. Find us@deobandi.com or follow us on Instagram at the Deobandi show. Want to shoot us a question for the show. Call us at 341-333-2997


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